10 signs of emotional manipulation that most people miss & How to fix it
People want to think the best of their partner and when they suspect they’re being manipulated by them it’s something they ignore and pretend they’re just over-reacting. This can only go on for so long because your partner is going to be more confident about their ability to control you and the signs are going to be harder to ignore. When you feel a certain way or your partner is obvious about their actions you need to admit that there are some toxic people in the world and you’re dating one of them. You can’t hide from what’s going on and need to know how to effectively deal with being manipulated so that you no longer have to go through it.
1) You don’t think you’re worthy of being loved
Being manipulated by someone you love is going to cause self-esteem problems because deep down you know they’re not treating you right and you hate yourself for putting up with this abuse. Your partner makes it clear that they think little of you, complain that you’re always doing the wrong thing and say that you’re lucky they’re willing to put up with you. When they start putting you down you need to stand up for yourself and tell them that you’re just as good as they are and if they’re so unhappy with you then they can go and find someone else. Over time you’ll start to believe and your partner can decide how they feel about that.
2) You don’t trust your decision making skills
Your partner does things like make fun of decisions you make and point out everything that’s wrong with it because this is how they get control over you. To stop this from happening you need to talk decisions over with your partner so that they share some of the responsibility when things go wrong and stick to your decision if you think it’s the right one.
3) Your partner always needs you
One way of being manipulated is to make you think your partner needs you when what they’re really doing is isolating you. Toxic people are sneaky when it comes to cutting you off from people and your partner is going to find ways of stopping you from hanging out with friends without making it obvious what they’re doing. They’re going to pretend to be sick or give you a surprise date night when you have other plans so you feel like you have to stay. You need to be firm and tell them you’re not going to change your plans and will see them later.
4) You can’t trust what they say
When you’re in a healthy relationship there’s good communication and each of you mean what you say. When you’re being manipulated you don’t trust your partner and second guess everything they tell you. You know their words are neutral but they’re using an intimidating or mocking tone to get their message across. You can’t let them subtly push you around like this and confront them when their words don’t match their attitude so they’re forced to be honest with you.
5) You feel like you can’t trust yourself
Toxic people use gaslighting as a way of confusing others to the point where they no longer trust themselves. If your partner constantly lies or says that you did something when you know that you didn’t it’s going to wreak havoc on your mind. You’re being manipulated into thinking you’re crazy and need your partner to look after you. It’s important to pay attention to details and when your partner tries to gaslight you, you have to point out why they’re wrong and not back down no matter how much they insist they’re right.
6) You’re socially isolated
You can be manipulated into becoming socially isolated so that your partner is the only person you have in your life. They emotionally guilt you when you try to see friends by getting upset and asking why you don’t want to spend time with them and they’re find excuses to not socialize with your friends or family. You try to make them happy by being with them more but this makes your friends move on. You have to keep your social life active and ignore feelings of guilt when you’re being manipulated.
7) You automatically blame yourself for everything
Blaming yourself for everything isn’t healthy but it’s a normal response after being manipulated by your partner because they’ve conditioned you to think this way. When something is wrong they don’t practice good communication and talk about it with you, instead they get mad and blame you and over time you take the blame first to avoid upsetting them. You need to only take responsibility for your actions and start insisting on dealing with problems as a couple.
8) Your partner always doubts your love
Having to constantly prove your love is a way of being manipulated into being submissive and feeling like you’re not as loving as your partner is. They expect you to praise them, say how much you love them and do anything they ask. All of your behaviour is seen as a way of showing how much you care and when you don’t live up to your partner’s unrealistic expectations you feel like a failure. Don’t fall into the trap of driving yourself crazy with showing them enough affection and only do it when it feels natural.
9) You don’t feel like you can leave
After being manipulated for an extended period of time you’re going to feel like you can’t leave the relationship for a variety of reasons. You think no one else will love you, you have no friends for emotional support and your confidence is gone. You’ve given up and wish you could change things but don’t know how. You have to slowly gain your independence back by taking control of your life and doing what makes you happy instead of worrying about how it makes your partner feel.
10) Your partner is in control of all decisions
One of the main goals of manipulation is having control over someone else and in your relationship your partner makes all of the decisions, even ones that shouldn’t involve them. They decide who your friends are, when they want you to come home, what you do for date night and what household chores you need to do. You have to learn to make your own decisions and only let them have a say when it’s an issue that concerns you as a couple. Demand to be part of the decision making process and don’t go along with plans they make by themselves.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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